Opposite World: This is China (or is it?)

You don’t know how much you rely on internet until you are cut off completely.

Finally, after 2 miserable (not quite) weeks of cyber darkness, I can communicate with the outside world again! And I do have quite a lot to tell.

China is, in so many way, the polar opposite of the States. For one, while we are obsessed with cleanliness, they could care less. People spit in buildings, breathe in pollution, and splatter pee over the in-the-ground toilets. Young children wear what Westerners loving call "Shit Pants" ; with a gaping hole stretching around the crotch and upper leg region, these pants ingeniously take the place of diapers. These pre-potty-trained toddlers can do business whenever and wherever business calls. This also means that THIER business is hanging out for the world to see. Some street-bound Chinese wear doctor masks over thier noses and mouths, which act as both air filters and a statement. Or perhaps they're just doctors who left work in a hurry. Either way, I want one. A doctor (preferably attractive) and a mask.

While we form lines and wait respectfully (with the occasional gripe and groan), they push and shove like Jack Bauer is on their tail. I am shoved getting on the bus by young men who later smile at me, a hidden agenda in their eyes. I got hit with a cane by a surprisingly agile old woman for taking too long looking at the kiwis. 

While we opt for freshness, they opt for tons of oil, lukewarm chicken feet, more oil, scorpians on a stick, and even skin and BLOOD. That’s right. Sheep’s or cow’s blood with a side of skin, anyone? Make sure to check frequently after a lunch of scorpian to make sure that you still have feeling in your legs, and that you are not, despite what you see, in a tunnel with a very appealing light at the end.

My life here has been enjoyable so far. I live in a nice sized apartment with a very nice Aussie named Anna. She's helped me settle in so much. My room is bigger than I expected, and I have a good amount of storage space. Our bathroom has a doorless shower in one corner, leaving a huge amount of water covering the floor after showering. We mop up what we can, but the majority is left to dry throughout the day, leaving a strong stench of mold. Toilet paper is thrown in the waste basket. Our kitchen has 2 burners with a large tank of gas attached, a refridgerator, and a microwave. We have a washing machine in our apartment as well.

The other foreign teachers are also really fun and amicable. Most are from England, though we do have some Scots, Aussies, Canadians, and other Americans. Work is fun as well. Being a substitute, or 'floater,' to use the school's term (I thought people were refering to me as 'the poop that floats' at first, but quickly realized the misconception), my schedule changes every week. I work at all 3 Aston schools (though only one a week, being that I take over for a teacher who is taking their 3 week vacation). The students are mostly children, ranging from age 5 to age 15. We do offer adult classes, but these are in the minority.  Normally, I have a night class on Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday, and definatley a night class Friday. Then, I word 9 hours or so Saturday and Sunday. We are garunteed 2 days off a week, but, with the classes at night, it seems like more. Lot’s of free time!

I just started being tutored in Chinese by one of the guys’ Chinese girlfriends, named Lily. Here, I must mention the, um, shall we say 'uniqueness' of Chinese chosen English names. Lily is a very nice name, but atypical of our creative Chinese students. I have had students named Lucky, Glacier, and, most importantly, Flashlight.

Anyway, we have a lot of fun while she’s tutoring me, and I’m picking up Chinese rather quickly. The tones are a bit difficult to learn, but the grammar is remarkably easy. I even understood a few people when they spoke to me; even though the taxi driver turned me down (they can do that here), I went in for a victorious high-five because I actually knew he was saying that. I think I actually squealed in delight. Like I said, opposite world.

Now that I have internet (and a gym membership as of yesterday!) I should have much more of an agenda. I only work 4 days a week, and only 2 full days. Having little money until payday, no internet, and no agenda, I have almost gone crazy with lack of activity. Lessons take 15 minutes to plan (I have no idea what the class will be like, so I have to fly by the seat of my pants, so to speak), and travel time is minimal. Most alcohol is very expensive, save beer (yuck) and a horrendous liquor called Baijo that burns like the devil and threatens to immediately come back up again. Apparently it is fermented with 3 different animal penises as well, which are considered a delicacy. In opposite world, this is simply THE BEST!

Another interesting thing about China is that I am stared at wherever I go. A look of shock appears on everyone’s face as I pass and they are overcome with amazement that white people do indeed exist. An old man, holding a large bird cage in one hand, started laughing to himself while looking me straight in the eye. Just when you thought you’d seen it all, an American appears. Who’da thunk it?

I guess the biggest adjustment so far has been the language. I cannot read anything or talk to anyone, so I rely heavily on facial expressions, hand gestures, and pictures to get by. The frozen dumplings look safe, but the ones with a picture of Jackie Chan giving an enthusiastic '2 thumbs up!' look AWESOME. This has a picture of a black chunky paste, so I will put it back.  Golden arches in the shape of an 'M', followed by 'cDonalds' looks like something I once knew.

Well, it's time to go to work! I miss everyone so much! Or do I? 

(I do.)