After two sun kissed, breezy, simply spectacular days (in terms of weather, that is), today was a dreary disappointment. The weather has again regressed to that dull, depressing, damp period of desiccated sunlight hardly qualifying as a day. Not to overdose on alliteration, but it really is dismal.
Today I realized how weak I am to the mighty influence of our atmosphere. Sunlight grants me endless energy and optimism; bright blue skies and breezes fill me up with the love of life. Grey clouds, cold rain, and that unexpected nippy edge of chill in the air take away my will to do, well, anything. I’d rather watch movies all day and forget about life. Which, truly, is very unhealthy and depressing.
What else do I have to do here? I have no money yet, as I get paid at the end of June. I don’t know anyone, and I don’t have any work when the kids aren’t around. I wish that I had brought my scrap booking stuff, so that I could busy myself in the business of decorating memories and releasing the creative energy that is pent up inside of my brain. I also wish I had brought a library’s worth of books, because I would love to catch up on the classics that I have yet to discover.
I think I will ask my family if there is a gym around here. I’m sure there is, somewhere in this cigarette-obsessed country. I do dearly miss the gym. Running outside, although nice, just isn’t the same as a jam session on the elliptical, distracted by television and secretly competing with the person next to you. Maybe that’s what I need: a place to have fake, one-sided contests. I do love a good challenge.
All in all, I think the most difficult thing about this experience is feeling like I do not have a purpose. I am not working to achieve anything, or really working at all. I have nothing that I need to do. While some might think this euphoria, it might, quite honestly, drive me crazy. I am a person that needs a job. I need a challenge; I need a goal. Watching Friends reruns and Ratatouille in French with Spanish subtitles (redefining boredom to something more like desperation) will not make me a better or wiser person, believe it or not.
Thankfully, yesterday the other “servant”, Margaret (a 60ish Swiss woman holding the revered title of housekeeper), mentioned that one of the previous Au Pairs of the family is still in Paris, and is considered a good friend. She loves learning languages, and Margaret said that I should join them for lunch sometime. They will help me to advance in my French skills. In return, I will help them learn some English. At least, that’s what I got from the exchange. All I know is that it sounds like a good opportunity. Goodness knows I need some grown-up time.
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